I push everyone away but in a way I’m doing them a favor
So… I do this too but… remember Elsa and how that turned out for her. I may kind of sort of have self identified on this part. And there may have been a bit of trying to reconnect this year after trying to “save” people from association with me.
Accept that those who continue to want to be part of your life want to be. There are exceptions but they are called exceptions for a reason :)